You Done Dug Yourself A Pit A Mile Deep And A Foot Wide And You're Looking Up At A Pinhole.

im supposed to be getting ready.
but im still sitting on my bed.
with my laptop burning a hole on my thigh.
wondering where i'll go and what i'll wear.
i think about every situation, about every path i could take,
and then ask myself which one is most likely to lead to you.

its not okay that i still feel that, i don't think.
that when i watch our favorite show, sometimes i cry during commericals.
because thats when i can hear myself laughing,
and thats when i realize im alone.
is this how you want to be?
seeing you almost hurts my eyes.
how can we let them get the better of us?
i need to get you alone so i can hear what we're both not saying, a little clearer.
i forget that sometimes what you want me to hear, radiates through my bones.

i dug my hole a little too deep this time.
i wonder if i'll ever sit at the top again, fasened on tight.
for now we'll all just stay here.
at least we're all together.
rock bottom is a long fall, but at least it's not lonley down there.

Dear God, Uhh.. Hey.

im the one who helps them all, and all i need is to know its not for nothing.
all this work, i can't bear for it to fall flat.
im ready for happiness, real happiness.
so bring it on.

im sorry i use this body as a punching bag, but my head and my heart are battered enough that numbing everything else is a relief i couldn't be okay without.
im sorry im so careless, but i need to be free. its temporary satisfaction, but thats what im all about.
im sorry im so bad.
i spend every minute chasing those moments of happiness i miss the big picture.
everyone knows

"you can't miss the bear."

i spent years learning that in the end it's all going to be alright.
life goes on, and someday it will end.
you can spend your time being happy, being helpful, being loved, or living for other people doing what's told or expected of you.
help me remember my own lessons.
help them all be okay with or without me.
give me the strength to pull it together and sleep sound tonight.