Would You Prefer The Easy Way...No? Well Okay Then.

i don't like feeling alone anymore.
i've spent the past year or so trying to weed out all this evil in my life.
turns out the weeds have taken over the garden and all im left with is a pile of dirt.
with my every hardship; instead of reassurances and guidance, im being upstaged.
like, my problems are so insignificant in comparasson to everyone around me.
i have it so easy.
but heaven forbid my life go right for once, because then im just bragging.
also i was unaware that it was disrespectful to have calm mature, yet slightly confrontational conversations with my best friends.
"you're my best friend, you can talk to me about anything."
i mean that.
even the ugly stuff.
especially if it's directly pertaining to that very relationship.
i don't want to walk on eggshells anymore with anyone, i wouldn't expect that myself.
if you ask me thats what friendship is about.
getting through the hard times.
together.

im still creating monsters day by day.
im the cupid of comeradery.
but im always in left field by myself.
they're droping like flies out there.

my inspiration is flickering and burning out.
i've lost sight of the things i never thought i could be without.
i never wanted it to end up as me against the world.

You Done Dug Yourself A Pit A Mile Deep And A Foot Wide And You're Looking Up At A Pinhole.

im supposed to be getting ready.
but im still sitting on my bed.
with my laptop burning a hole on my thigh.
wondering where i'll go and what i'll wear.
i think about every situation, about every path i could take,
and then ask myself which one is most likely to lead to you.

its not okay that i still feel that, i don't think.
that when i watch our favorite show, sometimes i cry during commericals.
because thats when i can hear myself laughing,
and thats when i realize im alone.
is this how you want to be?
seeing you almost hurts my eyes.
how can we let them get the better of us?
i need to get you alone so i can hear what we're both not saying, a little clearer.
i forget that sometimes what you want me to hear, radiates through my bones.

i dug my hole a little too deep this time.
i wonder if i'll ever sit at the top again, fasened on tight.
for now we'll all just stay here.
at least we're all together.
rock bottom is a long fall, but at least it's not lonley down there.