Would You Prefer The Easy Way...No? Well Okay Then.

i don't like feeling alone anymore.
i've spent the past year or so trying to weed out all this evil in my life.
turns out the weeds have taken over the garden and all im left with is a pile of dirt.
with my every hardship; instead of reassurances and guidance, im being upstaged.
like, my problems are so insignificant in comparasson to everyone around me.
i have it so easy.
but heaven forbid my life go right for once, because then im just bragging.
also i was unaware that it was disrespectful to have calm mature, yet slightly confrontational conversations with my best friends.
"you're my best friend, you can talk to me about anything."
i mean that.
even the ugly stuff.
especially if it's directly pertaining to that very relationship.
i don't want to walk on eggshells anymore with anyone, i wouldn't expect that myself.
if you ask me thats what friendship is about.
getting through the hard times.
together.

im still creating monsters day by day.
im the cupid of comeradery.
but im always in left field by myself.
they're droping like flies out there.

my inspiration is flickering and burning out.
i've lost sight of the things i never thought i could be without.
i never wanted it to end up as me against the world.

Im Just The Girl All The Boys Wanna Dance With, And You're Just The Boy Who's Had To Many Chances

i was always in love with my best friend.
even through everything that's happened i always felt like he was who i was supposed to be with.
well, i guess maybe not in this life,
but ideally.

years have passed and he's happy with someone else.
i let my feelings sink to the bottom of my soul.
burried underneath everything thats happening now.
i sucked it up and moved on as friends.
our friendship saves my life sometimes and i doubt he really knows.
even though i tell him countless times.

he's the only person who actually wants to talk about whats going on with me.
the only one who can look me in the eyes and know i need to talk.
but the thing that's so genuine and rare.. is that he actually cares.

he made me spill my heart and soul to him last night.
but the advice was not what i wanted to hear.

"you know nothing is ever really going to come of it though, right?"
"i know.. but in a way it does everytime. i just have to decide if its worth it or not"
"i just don't want to see you hurt in the long run.."
"but don't you think if i was going to get hurt, i would have already? can something you've been waiting for; preparing for every single day.. really hurt you when it happens? i have my swords drawn and armour on tight."
"then how are you supposed to be happy, man? you can't be happy like that.. you shouldn't have to "

he's right.
i've come to realize though that sometimes,
real happiness isn't an option.
he got it, he made it.
finally, he got his happy ending.

but, what if it's not in the cards for me?
at least, not now.
maybe all i can do is put on this facade.
trick everyone, including myself into thinking i'm happy.

regardless, i'm going to continue to wait.
to sit here, and wait for the stars and moon to align just right..
or whatever cosmic happenstance that draws us together.