I'm Not Suicidal, I Just Can't Get Out Of Bed

i didn't go home with him.
he asked me to come see him play so i did.
but i couldn't do it.
it was way too weak of me to forget all of this just for a night.

even though i said no, you thanked me for brining him..
your best friend.
i think i was always part of the reason you grew apart.
and i know im the reason you never grew back.

so i fucked him instead.

i know the reason now why it never works..
its because i never let it.
we're too much the same person.
we never let it...
i can't bring myself to let you see me weak like you need to.
and you never let me see you care.
im just as bad as you are. because i need you to think i don't care.
i know you do the same thing but it hurts me so much more.

facing him again is going to be hard.
he'll see it flashing over my head in neon signs.
but you can see the fine print.
it says i love you if you look close.
because in the dark he looks like you.
and you'll never know how sorry i am.
and hopefully never find out why.