Almost Done.

no matter what though, my train of thought always follows back to the same place.
it's that boy that's been on my mind for this long now.
maybe i was trying to forget him.
yeahhh, didn't work.

maybe im not me unless im missing you?
or unless you're around me somehow.
my life is all about chasing this love that may or may not exist on the other side of the fence.
i've caught it before, but i don't know what to do next.

so once again im left to ponder life.
here with my laptop on my legs, on my back, in my bed with the sun dancing all over the walls..
thinking about how much his voice reminds me of music.
the giggle or whatever it is.. when pure contentment and amusement come out in a sound.
thats my favorite sound in the world.
problem solved.

i miss that connectivity with people.
your soul mate or your best friend.
i don't know what thats like anymore to have a piece 0f your soul lost.
it could never be the same though anymore which is why i refuse to even entertain the idea.
my hopes would just get all up only to crash down again a thousand more times in a spiraling vortex of.....
or just strapped on a ride i would like to get off because it isnt fun, its just making my eyes hurt and my stomache turn.

anyway i think i might be ready for sleep now. or at least can move to the next step of trying.
sleep to me is just full contentment of life at rest so im excited.
all these thoughts im having need to be left for my dreams to make sence of while im gone.
or who knows maybe ill go to sleep but wake up living another life somewhere else.

"NOT AT THE TABLE CARLOS!"

In Between Dreams...

im coming back to life today.
real life.
i put it on pause for so long.
like when you keep laying in bed pretending you don't have to get up for work even though you do.
you know it's still there and going to happen but you just enjoy that few moments of procrastination...
i let mine go on too long.
i was dreaming for a long time before today, im not even sure where i've been or how long i've actually been gone but its too much for me to handle at this moment.

so im going to go have breakfast with my parents and my little sister for some random reason.
and wonder the whole time why my life threw itself back at me in a handful. and how im gunna come back home and explain in words these intangible feelings.
i just need to remember i like them.
cause i do:)