im learning things about myself
like how hard i try to act the way everyone thinks i need to to make them happy.
but i always only do what i really want.
this time is so different.
i never thought i'd get here.
i didnt even feel myself crying yesterday.
i think he thinks it was because i was lying to him.
to be honnest i dont really know if i was lying or not.
it was the weirdest feeling though, crying so effortlessly.
a little drunk still and tired and deffinately still high though..
but i didn't want him to feel that way because of me.
it wasn't that i think he knew how i really felt...
its that i've felt those feelings so many times.
that feeling has driven me to write all these pages of thoughts.
until recently anyway..
since i've become the same person who hurt me all those times.
the difference is that so didnt want him to leave.
i wanted to fix it.
i couldnt let him pretend it wasnt tearing him apart inside.
thats the difference i think
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