Parked At The Punishment Light

my jaw feels like its wired shut in every sense.
my brain is turned to a shriveled mass of uselessness.
my body is physically unable to move, but my mind has never been so out of control.
my bed is the only place i can hide today.

time for change has come, but all i know anymore is this mess.
it brings me comfort. but happiness?
could you call getting everything you've ever wanted; happiness?

are we really losing the battle when we're still fighting for our lives?
there is no easy way out, and the light at the end of the tunnel is only the headlights of an oncoming train.

im really an optimist with too much on her plate, honnest.

ten hours of ecstacy and two days of torture, how does that seem fair.
i swore you'd be the last thing on my mind
but your voice rang loud and clear
it echoed through the crowded bar and flashed with the strobe lights.
good thing it was three hours too late to call you.

i think you knew. i think our minds meet when the feelings overwhelm.
because you talked to me for the first time in days.
i'll never know if this is a good thing, or the worst thing i could ever do.

do i put the cards on the table for a shot at the jackpot or do i run with what i have left.
its the addict in me, the gambler.
i don't think it's wrong to live only in moments and chase the happiness.
but really, what do i know.

i opened my bedroom window to let the rain in.
in the dark it feels like its washing over me, refreshing and cleansing.
the storm outside can calm the one raging in me, or at least pull it out.
if sleep finds me tonight, i hope i wake up.
im not done.